A Prisoner in the Caucasus by Leo Tolstoy

AN officer named Zhílin was serving in the army in the Caucasus.
One day he received a letter from home. It was from his mother, who wrote: ‘I am getting old, and should like to see my dear son once more before I die. Come and say good-bye to me and bury me, and then, if God pleases, return to service again with my blessing. But I have found a girl for you, who is sensible and good and has some property. If you can love her, you might marry her and remain at home.’
Zhílin thought it over. It was quite true, the old lady was failing fast and he might not have another chance to see her alive. He had better go, and, if the girl was nice, why not marry her?
So he went to his Colonel, obtained leave of absence, said good-bye to his comrades, stood the soldiers four pailfuls of vódka as a farewell treat, and got ready to go.
It was a time of war in the Caucasus. The roads were not safe by night or day. If ever a Russian ventured to ride or walk any distance away from his fort, the Tartars killed him or carried him off to the hills. So it had been arranged that twice every week a body of soldiers should march from one fortress to the next to convoy travellers from point to point.
It was summer. At daybreak the baggage-train got ready under shelter of the fortress; the soldiers marched out; and all started along the road. Zhílin was on horseback, and a cart with his things went with the baggage-train. They had sixteen miles to go. The baggage-train moved slowly; sometimes the soldiers stopped, or perhaps a wheel would come off one of the carts, or a horse refuse to go on, and then everybody had to wait.
When by the sun it was already past noon, they had not gone half the way. It was dusty and hot, the sun was scorching and there was no shelter anywhere: a bare plain all round—not a tree, not a bush, by the road.
Zhílin rode on in front, and stopped, waiting for the baggage to overtake him. Then he heard the signal-horn sounded behind him: the company had again stopped. So he began to think: ‘Hadn’t I better ride on by myself? My horse is a good one: if the Tartars do attack me, I can gallop away. Perhaps, however, it would be wiser to wait.’
As he sat considering, Kostílin, an officer carrying a gun, rode up to him and said:
‘Come along, Zhílin, let’s go on by ourselves. It’s dreadful; I am famished, and the heat is terrible. My shirt is wringing wet.’
Kostílin was a stout, heavy man, and the perspiration was running down his red face. Zhílin thought awhile, and then asked: ‘Is your gun loaded?’
‘Yes it is.’
‘Well, then, let’s go, but on condition that we keep together.’
So they rode forward along the road across the plain, talking, but keeping a look-out on both sides. They could see afar all round. But after crossing the plain the road ran through a valley between two hills, and Zhílin said: ‘We had better climb that hill and have a look round, or the Tartars may be on us before we know it.’
But Kostílin answered: ‘What’s the use? Let us go on.’
Zhílin, however, would not agree.
‘No,’ he said; ‘you can wait here if you like, but I’ll go and look round.’ And he turned his horse to the left, up the hill. Zhílin’s horse was a hunter, and carried him up the hillside as if it had wings. (He had bought it for a hundred roubles as a colt out of a herd, and had broken it in himself.) Hardly had he reached the top of the hill, when he saw some thirty Tartars not much more than a hundred yards ahead of him. As soon as he caught sight of them he turned round but the Tartars had also seen him, and rushed after him at full gallop, getting their guns out as they went. Down galloped Zhílin as fast as the horse’s legs could go, shouting to Kostílin: ‘Get your gun ready!’
And, in thought, he said to his horse: ‘Get me well out of this, my pet; don’t stumble, for if you do it’s all up. Once I reach the gun, they shan’t take me prisoner.’
But, instead of waiting, Kostílin, as soon as he caught sight of the Tartars, turned back towards the fortress at full speed, whipping his horse now on one side now on the other, and its switching tail was all that could be seen of him in the dust.
Zhílin saw it was a bad look-out; the gun was gone, and what could he do with nothing but his sword? He turned his horse towards the escort, thinking to escape, but there were six Tartars rushing to cut him off. His horse was a good one, but theirs were still better; and besides, they were across his path. He tried to rein in his horse and to turn another way, but it was going so fast it could not stop, and dashed on straight towards the Tartars. He saw a red-bearded Tartar on a grey horse, with his gun raised, come at him, yelling and showing his teeth.
‘Ah,’ thought Zhílin, ‘I know you, devils that you are. If you take me alive, you’ll put me in a pit and flog me. I will not be taken alive!’
Zhílin, though not a big fellow, was brave. He drew his sword and dashed at the red-bearded Tartar thinking: ‘Either I’ll ride him down, or disable him with my sword.’
He was still a horse’s length away from him, when he was fired at from behind, and his horse was hit. It fell to the ground with all its weight, pinning Zhílin to the earth.
He tried to rise, but two ill-savoured Tartars were already sitting on him and binding his hands behind his back. He made an effort and flung them off, but three others jumped from their horses and began beating his head with the butts of their guns. His eyes grew dim, and he fell back. The Tartars seized him, and, taking spare girths from their saddles, twisted his hands behind him and tied them with a Tartar knot. They knocked his cap off, pulled off his boots, searched him all over, tore his clothes, and took his money and his watch.
Zhílin looked round at his horse. There it lay on its side, poor thing, just as it had fallen; struggling, its legs in the air, unable to touch the ground. There was a hole in its head, and black blood was pouring out, turning the dust to mud for a couple of feet around.
One of the Tartars went up to the horse and began taking the saddle off, it still kicked, so he drew a dagger and cut its windpipe. A whistling sound came from its throat, the horse gave one plunge, and all was over.
The Tartars took the saddle and trappings. The red-bearded Tartar mounted his horse, and the others lifted Zhílin into the saddle behind him. To prevent his falling off, they strapped him to the Tartar’s girdle; and then they all rode away to the hills.
So there sat Zhílin, swaying from side to side, his head striking against the Tartar’s stinking back. He could see nothing but that muscular back and sinewy neck, with its closely shaven, bluish nape. Zhílin’s head was wounded: the blood had dried over his eyes, and he could neither shift his position on the saddle nor wipe the blood off. His arms were bound so tightly that his collar-bones ached.
They rode up and down hills for a long way. Then they reached a river which they forded, and came to a hard road leading across a valley.
Zhílin tried to see where they were going, but his eyelids were stuck together with blood, and he could not turn.
Twilight began to fall; they crossed another river and rode up a stony hillside. There was a smell of smoke here, and dogs were barking. They had reached an Aoul (a Tartar village). The Tartars got off their horses; Tartar children came and stood round Zhílin, shrieking with pleasure and throwing stones at him.
The Tartar drove the children away, took Zhílin off the horse, and called his man. A Nogáy with high cheek-bones, and nothing on but a shirt (and that so torn that his breast was all bare), answered the call. The Tartar gave him an order. He went and fetched shackles: two blocks of oak with iron rings attached, and a clasp and lock fixed to one of the rings.
They untied Zhílin’s arms, fastened the shackles on his leg, and dragged him to a barn, where they pushed him in and locked the door.
Zhílin fell on a heap of manure. He lay still awhile then groped about to find a soft place, and settled down.
II
That night Zhílin hardly slept at all. It was the time of year when the nights are short, and daylight soon showed itself through a chink in the wall. He rose, scratched to make the chink bigger, and peeped out.
Through the hole he saw a road leading down-hill; to the right was a Tartar hut with two trees near it, a black dog lay on the threshold, and a goat and kids were moving about wagging their tails. Then he saw a young Tartar woman in a long, loose, bright-coloured gown, with trousers and high boots showing from under it. She had a coat thrown over her head, on which she carried a large metal jug filled with water. She was leading by the hand a small, closely-shaven Tartar boy, who wore nothing but a shirt; and as she went along balancing herself, the muscles of her back quivered. This woman carried the water into the hut, and, soon after, the red-bearded Tartar of yesterday came out dressed in a silk tunic, with a silver-hilted dagger hanging by his side, shoes on his bare feet, and a tall black sheepskin cap set far back on his head. He came out, stretched himself, and stroked his red beard. He stood awhile, gave an order to his servant, and went away.
Then two lads rode past from watering their horses. The horses’ noses were wet. Some other closely-shaven boys ran out, without any trousers, and wearing nothing but their shirts. They crowded together, came to the barn, picked up a twig, and began pushing it in at the chink. Zhílin gave a shout, and the boys shrieked and scampered off, their little bare knees gleaming as they ran.
Zhílin was very thirsty: his throat was parched, and he thought: ‘If only they would come and so much as look at me!’
Then he heard some one unlocking the barn. The red-bearded Tartar entered, and with him was another a smaller man, dark, with bright black eyes, red cheeks and a short beard. He had a merry face, and was always laughing. This man was even more richly dressed than the other. He wore a blue silk tunic trimmed with gold, a large silver dagger in his belt, red morocco slippers worked with silver, and over these a pair of thick shoes, and he had a white sheepskin cap on his head.
The red-bearded Tartar entered, muttered something as if he were annoyed, and stood leaning against the doorpost, playing with his dagger, and glaring askance at Zhílin, like a wolf. The dark one, quick and lively and moving as if on springs, came straight up to Zhílin, squatted down in front of him, slapped him on the shoulder, and began to talk very fast in his own language. His teeth showed, and he kept winking, clicking his tongue, and repeating, ‘Good Russ, good Russ.’
Zhílin could not understand a word, but said, ‘Drink! give me water to drink!’
The dark man only laughed. ‘Good Russ,’ he said, and went on talking in his own tongue.
Zhílin made signs with lips and hands that he wanted something to drink.
The dark man understood, and laughed. Then he looked out of the door, and called to some one: ‘Dina!’
A little girl came running in: she was about thirteen, slight, thin, and like the dark Tartar in face. Evidently she was his daughter. She, too, had clear black eyes, and her face was good-looking. She had on a long blue gown with wide sleeves, and no girdle. The hem of her gown, the front, and the sleeves, were trimmed with red. She wore trousers and slippers, and over the slippers stouter shoes with high heels. Round her neck she had a necklace made of Russian silver coins. She was bareheaded, and her black hair was plaited with a ribbon and ornamented with gilt braid and silver coins.
Her father gave an order, and she ran away and returned with a metal jug. She handed the water to Zhílin and sat down, crouching so that her knees were as high as her head, and there she sat with wide open eyes watching Zhílin drink, as though he were a wild animal.
When Zhílin handed the empty jug back to her, she gave such a sudden jump back, like a wild goat, that it made her father laugh. He sent her away for something else. She took the jug, ran out, and brought back some unleavened bread on a round board, and once more sat down, crouching, and looking on with staring eves.
Then the Tartars went away and again locked the door.
After a while the Nogáy came and said: ‘Ayda, the master, Ayda!’
He, too, knew no Russian. All Zhílin could make out was that he was told to go somewhere.
Zhílin followed the Nógay, but limped, for the shackles dragged his feet so that he could hardly step at all. On getting out of the barn he saw a Tartar village of about ten houses, and a Tartar church with a small tower. Three horses stood saddled before one of the houses; little boys were holding them by the reins. The dark Tartar came out of this house, beckoning with his hand for Zhílin to follow him. Then he laughed, said something in his own language, and returned into the house.
Zhílin entered. The room was a good one: the walls smoothly plastered with clay. Near the front wall lay a pile of bright-coloured feather beds; the side walls were covered with rich carpets used as hangings, and on these were fastened guns, pistols and swords, all inlaid with silver. Close to one of the walls was a small stove on a level with the earthen floor. The floor itself was as clean as a thrashing-ground. A large space in one corner was spread over with felt, on which were rugs, and on these rugs were cushions stuffed with down. And on these cushions sat five Tartars, the dark one, the red-haired one, and three guests. They were wearing their indoor slippers, and each had a cushion behind his back. Before them were standing millet cakes on a round board, melted butter in a bowl and a jug of buza, or Tartar beer. They ate both cakes and butter with their hands.
The dark man jumped up and ordered Zhílin to be placed on one side, not on the carpet but on the bare ground, then he sat down on the carpet again, and offered millet cakes and buza to his guests. The servant made Zhílin sit down, after which he took off his own overshoes, put them by the door where the other shoes were standing, and sat down nearer to his masters on the felt, watching them as they ate, and licking his lips.
The Tartars ate as much as they wanted, and a woman dressed in the same way as the girl—in a long gown and trousers, with a kerchief on her head— came and took away what was left, and brought a handsome basin, and an ewer with a narrow spout. The Tartars washed their hands, folded them, went down on their knees, blew to the four quarters, and said their prayers. After they had talked for a while, one of the guests turned to Zhílin and began to speak in Russian.
‘You were captured by Kazi-Mohammed,’ he said, and pointed at the red-bearded Tartar. ‘And Kazi-Mohammed has given you to Abdul Murat,’ pointing at the dark one. ‘Abdul Murat is now your master.’
Zhílin was silent. Then Abdul Murat began to talk, laughing, pointing to Zhílin, and repeating, ‘Soldier Russ, good Russ.’
The interpreter said, ‘He orders you to write home and tell them to send a ransom, and as soon as the money comes he will set you free.’
Zhílin thought for a moment, and said, ‘How much ransom does he want?’
The Tartars talked awhile, and then the interpreter said, ‘Three thousand roubles.’
‘No,’ said Zhílin,’ I can’t pay so much.’
Abdul jumped up and, waving his arms, talked to Zhílin’ thinking, as before, that he would understand. The interpreter translated: ‘How much will you give?’
Zhílin considered, and said, ‘Five hundred roubles.’ At this the Tartars began speaking very quickly, all together. Abdul began to shout at the red-bearded one, and jabbered so fast that the spittle spurted out of his mouth. The red-bearded one only screwed up his eyes and clicked his tongue.
They quietened down after a while, and the interpreter said, ‘Five hundred roubles is not enough for the master. He paid two hundred for you himself. Kazi-Mohammed was in debt to him, and he took you in payment. Three thousand roubles! Less than that won’t do. If you refuse to write, you will be put into a pit and flogged with a whip!’
‘Eh!’ thought Zhílin, ‘the more one fears them the worse it will be.’
So he sprang to his feet, and said, ‘You tell that dog that if he tries to frighten me I will not write at all, and he will get nothing. I never was afraid of you dogs, and never will be!’
The interpreter translated, and again they all began to talk at once.
They jabbered for a long time, and then the dark man jumped up, came to Zhílin, and said: ‘Dzhigit Russ, dzhigit Russ!’ (Dzhigit in their language means ‘brave.’) And he laughed, and said something to the interpreter, who translated: ‘One thousand roubles will satisfy him.’
Zhílin stuck to it: ‘I will not give more than five hundred. And if you kill me you’ll get nothing at all.’
The Tartars talked awhile, then sent the servant out to fetch something, and kept looking, now at Zhílin, now at the door. The servant returned, followed by a stout, bare-footed, tattered man, who also had his leg shackled.
Zhílin gasped with surprise: it was Kostílin. He, too, had been taken. They were put side by side, and began to tell each other what had occurred. While they talked, the Tartars looked on in silence. Zhílin related what had happened to him; and Kostílin told how his horse had stopped, his gun missed fire, and this same Abdul had overtaken and captured him.
Abdul jumped up, pointed to Kostílin, and said something. The interpreter translated that they both now belonged to one master, and the one who first paid the ransom would be set free first.
‘There now,’ he said to Zhílin, ‘you get angry, but your comrade here is gentle; he has written home, and they will send five thousand roubles. So he will be well fed and well treated.’
Zhílin replied: ‘My comrade can do as he likes; maybe he is rich, I am not. It must be as I said. Kill me, if you like—you will gain nothing by it; but I will not write for more than five hundred roubles.’
They were silent. Suddenly up sprang Abdul, brought a little box, took out a pen, ink, and a bit of paper, gave them to Zhílin, slapped him on the shoulder, and made a sign that he should write. He had agreed to take five hundred roubles.
‘Wait a bit!’ said Zhílin to the interpreter; ‘tell him that he must feed us properly, give us proper clothes and boots, and let us be together. It will be more cheerful for us. And he must have these shackles taken off our feet,’ and Zhílin looked at his master and laughed.
The master also laughed, heard the interpreter, and said: ‘I will give them the best of clothes: a cloak and boots fit to be married in. I will feed them like princes; and if they like they can live together in the barn. But I can’t take off the shackles, or they will run away. They shall be taken off, however, at night.’ And he jumped up and slapped Zhílin on the shoulder, exclaiming: ‘You good, I good!’
Zhílin wrote the letter, but addressed it wrongly, so that it should not reach its destination, thinking to himself: ‘I’ll run away!’
Zhílin and Kostílin were taken back to the barn and given some maize straw, a jug of water, some bread, two old cloaks, and some worn-out military boots— evidently taken from the corpses of Russian soldiers, At night their shackles were taken off their feet, and they were locked up in the barn.
III
Zhílin and his friend lived in this way for a whole month. The master always laughed and said: ‘You, Iván, good! I, Abdul, good!’ But he fed them badly giving them nothing but unleavened bread of millet-flour baked into flat cakes, or sometimes only unbaked dough.
Kostílin wrote home a second time, and did nothing but mope and wait for the money to arrive. He would sit for days together in the barn sleeping, or counting the days till a letter could come.
Zhílin knew his letter would reach no one, and he did not write another. He thought: ‘Where could my mother get enough money to ransom me? As it is she lived chiefly on what I sent her. If she had to raise five hundred roubles, she would be quite ruined. With God’s help I’ll manage to escape!’
So he kept on the look-out, planning how to run away.
He would walk about the Aoul whistling; or would sit working, modelling dolls of clay, or weaving baskets out of twigs: for Zhílin was clever with his hands.
Once he modelled a doll with a nose and hands and feet and with a Tartar gown on, and put it up on the roof. When the Tartar women came out to fetch water, the master’s daughter, Dina, saw the doll and called the women, who put down their jugs and stood looking and laughing. Zhílin took down the doll and held it out to them. They laughed, but dared not take it. He put down the doll and went into the barn, waiting to see what would happen.
Dina ran up to the doll, looked round, seized it, and ran away.
In the morning, at daybreak, he looked out. Dina came out of the house and sat down on the threshold with the doll, which she had dressed up in bits of red stuff, and she rocked it like a baby, singing a Tartar lullaby. An old woman came out and scolded her, and snatching the doll away she broke it to bits, and sent Dina about her business.
But Zhílin made another doll, better than the first, and gave it to Dina. Once Dina brought a little jug, put it on the ground, sat down gazing at him, and laughed, pointing to the jug.
‘What pleases her so?’ wondered Zhílin. He took the jug thinking it was water, but it turned out to be milk. He drank the milk and said: ‘That’s good!’
How pleased Dina was! ‘Good, Iván, good!’ said she, and she jumped up and clapped her hands. Then, seizing the jug, she ran away. After that, she stealthily brought him some milk every day.
The Tartars make a kind of cheese out of goat’s milk, which they dry on the roofs of their houses; and sometimes, on the sly, she brought him some of this cheese. And once, when Abdul had killed a sheep she brought Zhílin a bit of mutton in her sleeve. She would just throw the things down and run away.
One day there was a heavy storm, and the rain fell in torrents for a whole hour. All the streams became turbid. At the ford, the water rose till it was seven feet high, and the current was so strong that it rolled the stones about. Rivulets flowed everywhere, and the rumbling in the hills never ceased. When the storm was over, the water ran in streams down the village street. Zhílin got his master to lend him a knife, and with it he shaped a small cylinder, and cutting some little boards, he made a wheel to which he fixed two dolls, one on each side. The little girls brought him some bits of stuff, and he dressed the dolls, one as a peasant, the other as a peasant woman. Then he fastened them in their places, and set the wheel so that the stream should work it. The wheel began to turn and the dolls danced.
The whole village collected round. Little boys and girls, Tartar men and women, all came and clicked their tongues.
‘Ah, Russ! Ah, Iván!’
Abdul had a Russian clock, which was broken. He called Zhílin and showed it to him, clicking his tongue.
‘Give it me, I’ll mend it for you,’ said Zhílin.
He took it to pieces with the knife, sorted the pieces, and put them together again, so that the clock went all right.
The master was delighted, and made him a present of one of his old tunics which was all in holes. Zhílin had to accept it. He could, at any rate, use it as a coverlet at night.
After that Zhílin’s fame spread; and Tartars came from distant villages, bringing him now the lock of a gun or of a pistol, now a watch, to mend. His master gave him some tools—pincers, gimlets, and a file.
One day a Tartar fell ill, and they came to Zhílin saying, ‘Come and heal him!’ Zhílin knew nothing about doctoring, but he went to look, and thought to himself, ‘Perhaps he will get well anyway.’
He returned to the barn, mixed some water with sand, and then in the presence of the Tartars whispered some words over it and gave it to the sick man to drink. Luckily for him, the Tartar recovered.
Zhílin began to pick up their language a little, and some of the Tartars grew familiar with him. When they wanted him, they would call: ‘Iván! Iván!’ Others, however, still looked at him askance, as at a wild beast.
The red-bearded Tartar disliked Zhílin. Whenever he saw him he frowned and turned away, or swore at him. There was also an old man there who did not live in the Aoul, but used to come up from the foot of the hill. Zhílin only saw him when he passed on his way to the Mosque. He was short, and had a white cloth wound round his hat. His beard and moustaches were clipped, and white as snow; and his face was wrinkled and brick-red. His nose was hooked like a hawk’s, his grey eyes looked cruel, and he had no teeth except two tusks. He would pass, with his turban on his head, leaning on his staff, and glaring round him like a wolf. If he saw Zhílin he would snort with anger and turn away.
Once Zhílin descended the hill to see where the old man lived. He went down along the pathway and came to a little garden surrounded by a stone wall; and behind the wall he saw cherry and apricot trees, and a hut with a flat roof. He came closer, and saw hives made of plaited straw, and bees flying about and humming. The old man was kneeling, busy doing something with a hive. Zhílin stretched to look, and his shackles rattled. The old man turned round, and, giving a yell, snatched a pistol from his belt and shot at Zhílin, who just managed to shelter himself behind the stone wall.
The old man went to Zhílin’s master to complain. The master called Zhílin, and said with a laugh, ‘Why did you go to the old man’s house?’
‘I did him no harm,’ replied Zhílin. ‘I only wanted to see how he lived.’
The master repeated what Zhílin said.
But the old man was in a rage; he hissed and jabbered, showing his tusks, and shaking his fists at Zhílin.
Zhílin could not understand all, but he gathered that the old man was telling Abdul he ought not to keep Russians in the Aoul, but ought to kill them. At last the old man went away.
Zhílin asked the master who the old man was.
‘He is a great man!’ said the master. ‘He was the bravest of our fellows; he killed many Russians and was at one time very rich. He had three wives and eight sons, and they all lived in one village. Then the Russians came and destroyed the village, and killed seven of his sons. Only one son was left, and he gave himself up to the Russians. The old man also went and gave himself up, and lived among the Russians for three months. At the end of that time he found his son, killed him with his own hands, and then escaped. After that he left off fighting, and went to Mecca to pray to God; that is why he wears a turban. One who has been to Mecca is called “Hadji,” and wears a turban. He does not like you fellows. He tells me to kill you. But I can’t kill you. I have paid money for you and, besides, I have grown fond of you, Iván. Far from killing you, I would not even let you go if I had not promised.’ And he laughed, saying in Russian, ‘You, Iván, good; I, Abdul, good!’
IV
Zhílin lived in this way for a month. During the day he sauntered about the Aoul or busied himself with some handicraft, but at night, when all was silent in the Aoul, he dug at the floor of the barn. It was no easy task digging, because of the stones; but he worked away at them with his file, and at last had made a hole under the wall large enough to get through.
‘If only I could get to know the lay of the land,’ thought he, ‘and which way to go! But none of the Tartars will tell me.’
So he chose a day when the master was away from home, and set off after dinner to climb the hill beyond the village, and to look around. But before leaving home the master always gave orders to his son to watch Zhílin, and not to lose sight of him. So the lad ran after Zhílin, shouting: ‘Don’t go! Father does not allow it. I’ll call the neighbours if you won’t come back.’
Zhílin tried to persuade him, and said: ‘I’m not going far; I only want to climb that hill. I want to find a herb—to cure sick people with. You come with me if you like. How can I run away with these shackles on? To-morrow I’ll make a bow and arrows for you.’
So he persuaded the lad, and they went. To look at the hill, it did not seem far to the top; but it was hard walking with shackles on his leg. Zhílin went on and on, but it was all he could do to reach the top. There he sat down and noted how the land lay. To the south, beyond the barn, was a valley in which a herd of horses was pasturing and at the bottom of the valley one could see another Aoul. Beyond that was a still steeper hill, and another hill beyond that. Between the hills, in the blue distance, were forests, and still further off were mountains, rising higher and higher. The highest of them were covered with snow, white as sugar; and one snowy peak towered above all the rest. To the east and to the west were other such hills, and here and there smoke rose from Aouls in the ravines. ‘Ah,’ thought he, ‘all that is Tartar country.’ And he turned towards the Russian side. At his feet he saw a river, and the Aoul he lived in, surrounded by little gardens. He could see women, like tiny dolls, sitting by the river rinsing clothes. Beyond the Aoul was a hill, lower than the one to the south, and beyond it two other hills well wooded; and between these, a smooth bluish plain, and far, far across the plain something that looked like a cloud of smoke. Zhílin tried to remember where the sun used to rise and set when he was living in the fort, and he saw that there was no mistake: the Russian fort must be in that plain. Between those two hills he would have to make his way when he escaped.
The sun was beginning to set. The white, snowy mountains turned red, and the dark hills turned darker; mists rose from the ravine, and the valley, where he supposed the Russian fort to be, seemed on fire with the sunset glow. Zhílin looked carefully. Something seemed to be quivering in the valley like smoke from a chimney, and he felt sure the Russian fortress was there.
It had grown late. The Mullah’s cry was heard. The herds were being driven home, the cows were lowing, and the lad kept saying, ‘Come home!’ But Zhílin did not feel inclined to go away.
At last, however, they went back. ‘Well,’ thought Zhílin, ‘now that I know the way, it is time to escape.’ He thought of running away that night. The nights were dark—the moon had waned. But as ill-luck would have it, the Tartars returned home that evening. They generally came back driving cattle before them and in good spirits. But this time they had no cattle. All they brought home was the dead body of a Tartar —the red one’s brother—who had been killed. They came back looking sullen, and they all gathered together for the burial. Zhílin also came out to see it.
They wrapped the body in a piece of linen, without any coffin, and carried it out of the village, and laid it on the grass under some plane-trees. The Mullah and the old men came. They wound clothes round their caps, took off their shoes, and squatted on their heels, side by side, near the corpse.
The Mullah was in front: behind him in a row were three old men in turbans, and behind them again the other Tartars. All cast down their eyes and sat in silence. This continued a long time, until the Mullah raised his head and said: ‘Allah!’ (which means God). He said that one word, and they all cast down their eyes again, and were again silent for a long time. They sat quite still, not moving or making any sound.
Again the Mullah lifted his head and said, ‘Allah!’ and they all repeated: ‘Allah! Allah!’ and were again silent.
The dead body lay immovable on the grass, and they sat as still as if they too were dead. Not one of them moved. There was no sound but that of the leaves of the plane-trees stirring in the breeze. Then the Mullah repeated a prayer, and they all rose. They lifted the body and carried it in their arms to a hole in the ground. It was not an ordinary hole, but was hollowed out under the ground like a vault. They took the body under the arms and by the legs, bent it, and let it gently down, pushing it under the earth in a sitting posture, with the hands folded in front.
The Nogáy brought some green rushes, which they stuffed into the hole, and, quickly covering it with earth, they smoothed the ground, and set an upright stone at the head of the grave. Then they trod the earth down, and again sat in a row before the grave, keeping silence for a long time.
At last they rose, said ‘Allah! Allah! Allah!’ and sighed.
The red-bearded Tartar gave money to the old men; then he too rose, took a whip, struck himself with it three times on the forehead, and went home.
The next morning Zhílin saw the red Tartar, followed by three others, leading a mare out of the village. When they were beyond the village, the red-bearded Tartar took off his tunic and turned up his sleeves, showing his stout arms. Then he drew a dagger and sharpened it on a whetstone. The other Tartars raised the mare’s head, and he cut her throat, threw her down and began skinning her, loosening the hide with his big hands. Women and girls came and began to wash the entrails and the inwards. The mare was cut up, the pieces taken into the hut, and the whole village collected at the red Tartar’s hut for a funeral feast.
For three days they went on eating the flesh of the mare, drinking buza, and praying for the dead man. All the Tartars were at home. On the fourth day at dinner-time Zhílin saw them preparing to go away. Horses were brought out, they got ready, and some ten of them (the red one among them) rode away; but Abdul stayed at home. It was new moon, and the nights were still dark.
‘Ah!’ thought Zhílin, ‘to-night is the time to escape.’ And he told Kostílin; but Kostílin’s heart failed him.
‘How can we escape?’ he said. ‘We don’t even know the way.’
‘I know the way,’ said Zhílin.
‘Even if you do’’ said Kostílin, ‘we can’t reach the fort in one night.’
‘If we can’t,’ said Zhílin, ‘we’ll sleep in the forest. See here, I have saved some cheeses. What’s the good of sitting and moping here? If they send your ransom —well and good; but suppose they don’t manage to collect it? The Tartars are angry now, because the Russians have killed one of their men. They are talking of killing us.’
Kostílin thought it over.
‘Well, let’s go,’ said he.
Zhílin crept into the hole, widened it so that Kostílin might also get through, and then they both sat waiting till all should be quiet in the Aoul.
As soon as all was quiet, Zhílin crept under the wall, got out, and whispered to Kostílin, ‘Come!’ Kostílin crept out, but in so doing he caught a stone with his foot and made a noise. The master had a very vicious watch-dog, a spotted one called Oulyashin. Zhílin had been careful to feed him for some time before. Oulyashin heard the noise and began to bark and jump, and the other dogs did the same. Zhílin gave a slight whistle, and threw him a bit of cheese. Oulyashin knew Zhílin, wagged his tail, and stopped barking.
But the master had heard the dog, and shouted to him from his hut, ‘Hayt, hayt, Oulyashin!’
Zhílin, however, scratched Oulyashin behind the ears, and the dog was quiet, and rubbed against his legs, wagging his tail
They sat hidden behind a corner for awhile. All became silent again, only a sheep coughed inside a shed, and the water rippled over the stones in the hollow. It was dark, the stars were high overhead, and the new moon showed red as it set, horns upward, behind the hill. In the valleys the fog was white as milk.
Zhílin rose and said to his companion, ‘Well, friend, come along!’
They started; but they had only gone a few steps when they heard the Mullah crying from the roof, ‘Allah, Beshmillah! Ilrahman!’ That meant that the people would be going to the Mosque. So they sat down again, hiding behind a wall, and waited a long time till the people had passed. At last all was quiet again.
‘Now then! May God be with us!’ They crossed themselves, and started once more. They passed through a yard and went down the hillside to the river, crossed the river, and went along the valley.
The mist was thick, but only near the ground; overhead the stars shone quite brightly. Zhílin directed their course by the stars. It was cool in the mist, and easy walking, only their boots were uncomfortable, being worn out and trodden down. Zhílin took his off, threw them away, and went barefoot, jumping from stone to stone, and guiding his course by the stars. Kostílin began to lag behind.
‘Walk slower,’ he said, ‘these confounded boots have quite blistered my feet.’
‘Take them off!’ said Zhílin. ‘It will be easier walking without them.’
Kostílin went barefoot, but got on still worse. The stones cut his feet and he kept lagging behind. Zhílin said: ‘If your feet get cut, they’ll heal again; but if the Tartars catch us and kill us, it will be worse!’
Kostílin did not reply, but went on, groaning all the time.
Their way lay through the valley for a long time. Then, to the right, they heard dogs barking. Zhílin stopped, looked about, and began climbing the hill feeling with his hands.
‘Ah!’ said he, ‘we have gone wrong, and have come too far to the right. Here is another Aoul, one I saw from the hill. We must turn back and go up that hill to the left. There must be a wood there.’
But Kostílin said: ‘Wait a minute! Let me get breath. My feet are all cut and bleeding.’
‘Never mind, friend! They’ll heal again. You should spring more lightly. Like this!’
And Zhílin ran back and turned to the left up the hill towards the wood.
Kostílin still lagged behind, and groaned. Zhílin only said ‘Hush!’ and went on and on.
They went up the hill and found a wood as Zhílin had said. They entered the wood and forced their way through the brambles, which tore their clothes. At last they came to a path and followed it.
‘Stop!’ They heard the tramp of hoofs on the path, and waited, listening. It sounded like the tramping of a horse’s feet, but then ceased. They moved on, and again they heard the tramping. When they paused, it also stopped. Zhílin crept nearer to it, and saw something standing on the path where it was not quite so dark. It looked like a horse, and yet not quite like one, and on it was something queer, not like a man. He heard it snorting. ‘What can it be?’ Zhílin gave a low whistle, and off it dashed from the path into the thicket, and the woods were filled with the noise of crackling, as if a hurricane were sweeping through, breaking the branches.
Kostílin was so frightened that he sank to the ground. But Zhílin laughed and said: ‘It’s a stag. Don’t you hear him breaking the branches with his antlers? We were afraid of him, and he is afraid of us.’
They went on. The Great Bear was already setting. It was near morning, and they did not know whether they were going the right way or not. Zhílin thought it was the way he had been brought by the Tartars, and that they were still some seven miles from the Russian fort; but he had nothing certain to go by, and at night one easily mistakes the way. After a time they came to a clearing. Kostílin sat down and said: ‘Do as you like, I can go no farther! My feet won’t carry me.’
Zhílin tried to persuade him.
‘No I shall never get there, I can’t!’
Zhílin grew angry, and spoke roughly to him.
‘Well, then, I shall go on alone. Good-bye!’
Kostílin jumped up and followed. They went another three miles. The mist in the wood had settled down still more densely; they could not see a yard before them, and the stars had grown dim.
Suddenly they heard the sound of a horse’s hoofs in front of them. They heard its shoes strike the stones. Zhílin lay down flat, and listened with his ear to the ground.
‘Yes, so it is! A horseman is coming towards us.’
They ran off the path, crouched among the bushes and waited. Zhílin crept to the road, looked, and saw a Tartar on horseback driving a cow and humming to himself. The Tartar rode past. Zhílin returned to Kostílin.
‘God has led him past us; get up and let’s go on!’
Kostílin tried to rise, but fell back again.
‘I can’t; on my word I can’t! I have no strength left.’
He was heavy and stout, and had been perspiring freely. Chilled by the mist, and with his feet all bleeding, he had grown quite limp.
Zhílin tried to lift him, when suddenly Kostílin screamed out: ‘Oh, how it hurts!’
Zhílin’s heart sank.
‘What are you shouting for? The Tartar is still near; he’ll have heard you!’ And he thought to himself, ‘He is really quite done up. What am I to do with him? It won’t do to desert a comrade.’
‘Well, then, get up, and climb up on my back. I’ll carry you if you really can’t walk.’
He helped Kostílin up, and put his arms under his thighs. Then he went out on to the path, carrying him.
‘Only, for the love of heaven,’ said Zhílin, ‘don’t throttle me with your hands! Hold on to my shoulders.’
Zhílin found his load heavy; his feet, too, were bleeding, and he was tired out. Now and then he stooped to balance Kostílin better, jerking him up so that he should sit higher, and then went on again.
The Tartar must, however, really have heard Kostílin scream. Zhílin suddenly heard some one galloping behind and shouting in the Tartar tongue. He darted in among the bushes. The Tartar seized his gun and fired, but did not hit them, shouted in his own language, and galloped off along the road.
‘Well, now we are lost, friend!’ said Zhílin. ‘That dog will gather the Tartars together to hunt us down. Unless we can get a couple of miles away from here we are lost!’ And he thought to himself, ‘Why the devil did I saddle myself with this block? I should have got away long ago had I been alone.’
‘Go on alone,’ said Kostílin. ‘Why should you perish because of me?’
‘No I won’t go. It won’t do to desert a comrade.’
Again he took Kostílin on his shoulders and staggered on. They went on in that way for another half-mile or more. They were still in the forest, and could not see the end of it. But the mist was already dispersing, and clouds seemed to be gathering, the stars were no longer to be seen. Zhílin was quite done up. They came to a spring walled in with stones by the side of the path. Zhílin stopped and set Kostílin down.
‘Let me have a rest and a drink,’ said he, ‘and let us eat some of the cheese. It can’t be much farther now.’
But hardly had he lain down to get a drink, when he heard the sound of horses’ feet behind him. Again they darted to the right among the bushes, and lay down under a steep slope.
They heard Tartar voices. The Tartars stopped at the very spot where they had turned off the path. The Tartars talked a bit, and then seemed to be setting a dog on the scent. There was a sound of crackling twigs, and a strange dog appeared from behind the bushes. It stopped, and began to bark.
Then the Tartars, also strangers, came climbing down, seized Zhílin and Kostílin, bound them, put them on horses, and rode away with them.
When they had ridden about two miles, they met Abdul, their owner, with two other Tartars following him. After talking with the strangers, he put Zhílin and Kostílin on two of his own horses and took them back to the Aoul.
Abdul did not laugh now, and did not say a word to them.
They were back at the Aoul by daybreak, and were set down in the street. The children came crowding round, throwing stones, shrieking, and beating them with whips.
The Tartars gathered together in a circle, and the old man from the foot of the hill was also there. They began discussing, and Zhílin heard them considering what should be done with him and Kostílin. Some said they ought to be sent farther into the mountains; but the old man said: ‘They must be killed!’
Abdul disputed with him, saying: ‘I gave money for them, and I must get ransom for them.’ But the old man said: ‘They will pay you nothing, but will only bring misfortune. It is a sin to feed Russians. Kill them, and have done with it!’
They dispersed. When they had gone, the master came up to Zhílin and said: ‘If the money for your ransom is not sent within a fortnight, I will flog you; and if you try to run away again, I’ll kill you like a dog! Write a letter, and write properly!’
Paper was brought to them, and they wrote the letters. Shackles were put on their feet, and they were taken behind the Mosque to a deep pit about twelve feet square, into which they were let down.
VI
Life was now very hard for them. Their shackles were never taken off, and they were not let out into the fresh air. Unbaked dough was thrown to them as if they were dogs, and water was let down in a can.
It was wet and close in the pit, and there was a horrible stench. Kostílin grew quite ill, his body became swollen and he ached all over, and moaned or slept all the time. Zhílin, too, grew downcast; he saw it was a bad look-out, and could think of no way of escape.
He tried to make a tunnel, but there was nowhere to put the earth. His master noticed it, and threatened to kill him.
He was sitting on the floor of the pit one day, thinking of freedom and feeling very downhearted, when suddenly a cake fell into his lap, then another, and then a shower of cherries. He looked up, and there was Dina. She looked at him, laughed, and ran away. And Zhílin thought: ‘Might not Dina help me?’
He cleared out a little place in the pit, scraped up some clay, and began modelling toys. He made men, horses, and dogs, thinking, ‘When Dina comes I’ll throw them up to her.’
But Dina did not come next day. Zhílin heard the tramp of horses; some men rode past, and the Tartars gathered in council near the Mosque. They shouted and argued; the word ‘Russians’ was repeated several times. He could hear the voice of the old man. Though he could not distinguish what was said, he guessed that Russian troops were somewhere near, and that the Tartars, afraid they might come into the Aoul, did not know what to do with their prisoners.
After talking awhile, they went away. Suddenly he heard a rustling overhead, and saw Dina crouching at the edge of the pit, her knees higher than her head, and bending over so that the coins of her plait dangled above the pit. Her eyes gleamed like stars. She drew two cheeses out of her sleeve and threw them to him. Zhílin took them and said, ‘Why did you not come before? I have made some toys for you. Here, catch!’ And he began throwing the toys up, one by one.
But she shook her head and would not look at them.
‘I don’t want any,’ she said. She sat silent for awhile, and then went on, ‘Iván, they want to kill you!’ And she pointed to her own throat.
‘Who wants to kill me?’
‘Father; the old men say he must. But I am sorry for you!’
Zhílin answered: ‘Well, if you are sorry for me, bring me a long pole.’
She shook her head, as much as to say, ‘I can’t!’
He clasped his hands and prayed her: ‘Dina, please do! Dear Dina, I beg of you!’
‘I can’t!’ she said, ‘they would see me bringing it. They’re all at home.’ And she went away.
So when evening came Zhílin still sat looking up now and then, and wondering what would happen. The stars were there, but the moon had not yet risen. The Mullah’s voice was heard; then all was silent. Zhílin was beginning to doze, thinking: ‘The girl will be afraid to do it!’
Suddenly he felt clay falling on his head. He looked up, and saw a long pole poking into the opposite wall of the pit. It kept poking about for a time, and then it came down, sliding into the pit. Zhílin was glad indeed. He took hold of it and lowered it. It was a strong pole, one that he had seen before on the roof of his master’s hut.
He looked up. The stars were shining high in the sky, and just above the pit Dina’s eyes gleamed in the dark like a cat’s. She stooped with her face close to the edge of the pit, and whispered, ‘Iván! Iván!’ waving her hand in front of her face to show that he should speak low.
‘What?’ said Zhílin.
‘All but two have gone away.’
Then Zhílin said, ‘Well, Kostílin, come; let us have one last try; I’ll help you up.’
But Kostílin would not hear of it.
‘No,’ said he, ‘It’s clear I can’t get away from here. How can I go, when I have hardly strength to turn round?’
‘Well, good-bye, then! Don’t think ill of me!’ and they kissed each other. Zhílin seized the pole, told Dina to hold on, and began to climb. He slipped once or twice; the shackles hindered him. Kostílin helped him, and he managed to get to the top. Dina with her little hands, pulled with all her might at his shirt, laughing.
Zhílin drew out the pole and said, ‘Put it back in its place, Dina, or they’ll notice, and you will be beaten.’
She dragged the pole away, and Zhílin went down the hill. When he had gone down the steep incline, he took a sharp stone and tried to wrench the lock off the shackles. But it was a strong lock and he could not manage to break it, and besides, it was difficult to get at. Then he heard some one running down the hill, springing lightly. He thought: ‘Surely, that’s Dina again.’
Dina came, took a stone and said, ‘Let me try.’
She knelt down and tried to wrench the lock off, but her little hands were as slender as little twigs, and she had not the strength. She threw the stone away and began to cry. Then Zhílin set to work again at the lock, and Dina squatted beside him with her hand on his shoulder.
Zhílin looked round and saw a red light to the left behind the hill. The moon was just rising. ‘Ah!’ he thought, ‘before the moon has risen I must have passed the valley and be in the forest.’ So he rose and threw away the stone. Shackles or no, he must go on.
‘Good-bye, Dina dear!’ he said. ‘I shall never forget you!’
Dina seized hold of him and felt about with her hands for a place to put some cheeses she had brought. He took them from her.
‘Thank you, my little one. Who will make dolls for you when I am gone?’ And he stroked her head.
Dina burst into tears hiding her face in her hands. Then she ran up the hill like a young goat, the coins in her plait clinking against her back.
Zhílin crossed himself took the lock of his shackles in his hand to prevent its clattering, and went along the road, dragging his shackled leg, and looking towards the place where the moon was about to rise. He now knew the way. If he went straight he would have to walk nearly six miles. If only he could reach the wood before the moon had quite risen! He crossed the river; the light behind the hill was growing whiter. Still looking at it, he went along the valley. The moon was not yet visible. The light became brighter, and one side of the valley was growing lighter and lighter, and shadows were drawing in towards the foot of the hill, creeping nearer and nearer to him.
Zhílin went on, keeping in the shade. He was hurrying, but the moon was moving still faster; the tops of the hills on the right were already lit up. As he got near the wood the white moon appeared from behind the hills, and it became light as day. One could see all the leaves on the trees. It was light on the hill, but silent, as if nothing were alive; no sound could be heard but the gurgling of the river below.
Zhílin reached the wood without meeting any one, chose a dark spot, and sat down to rest.
He rested and ate one of the cheeses. Then he found a stone and set to work again to knock off the shackles. He knocked his hands sore, but could not break the lock. He rose and went along the road. After walking the greater part of a mile he was quite done up, and his feet were aching. He had to stop every ten steps. ‘There is nothing else for it,’ thought he. ‘I must drag on as long as I have any strength left. If I sit down, I shan’t be able to rise again. I can’t reach the fortress; but when day breaks I’ll lie down in the forest, remain there all day, and go on again at night.’
He went on all night. Two Tartars on horseback passed him; but he heard them a long way off, and hid behind a tree.
The moon began to grow paler, the dew to fall. It was getting near dawn, and Zhílin had not reached the end of the forest. ‘Well,’ thought he, ‘I’ll walk another thirty steps, and then turn in among the trees and sit down.’
He walked another thirty steps, and saw that he was at the end of the forest. He went to the edge; it was now quite light, and straight before him was the plain and the fortress. To the left, quite close at the foot of the slope, a fire was dying out, and the smoke from it spread round. There were men gathered about the fire.
He looked intently, and saw guns glistening. They were soldiers—Cossacks!
Zhílin was filled with joy. He collected his remaining strength and set off down the hill, saying to himself: ‘God forbid that any mounted Tartar should see me now, in the open field! Near as I am, I could not get there in time.’
Hardly had he said this when, a couple of hundred yards off, on a hillock to the left, he saw three Tartars.
They saw him also and made a rush. His heart sank. He waved his hands, and shouted with all his might, ‘Brothers, brothers! Help!’
The Cossacks heard him, and a party of them on horseback darted to cut across the Tartars’ path. The Cossacks were far and the Tartars were near; but Zhílin, too, made a last effort. Lifting the shackles with his hand, he ran towards the Cossacks, hardly knowing what he was doing, crossing himself and shouting, ‘Brothers! Brothers! Brothers!’
There were some fifteen Cossacks. The Tartars were frightened, and stopped before reaching him. Zhilin staggered up to the Cossacks.
They surrounded him and began questioning him. ‘Who are you? What are you? Where from?
But Zhílin was quite beside himself, and could only weep and repeat, ‘Brothers! Brothers!’
Then the soldiers came running up and crowded round Zhílin—one giving him bread, another buckwheat, a third vódka: one wrapping a cloak round him, another breaking his shackles.
The officers recognized him, and rode with him to the fortress. The soldiers were glad to see him back, and his comrades all gathered round him.
Zhílin told them all that had happened to him.
‘That’s the way I went home and got married!’ said he. ‘No. It seems plain that fate was against it!’
So he went on serving in the Caucasus. A month passed before Kostílin was released, after paying five thousand roubles ransom. He was almost dead when they brought him back.

THE SUMMER OF MY 17TH YEAR

FRIDAY, April 5, 2002

IT was hot this morning when I went to the Masbate pier with my older cousin John. School was out and the dry season had begun. The air was still, making it feel hotter yet—the usual breeze that comes from the sea seemed to have gotten lost somewhere. We were there to meet his college friend who was visiting our island for the first time. They hadn’t seen each other since his friend moved to the States right after they graduated from college. That was five years ago.
John pointed him out to me when he came down the gangplank off the ferry from Lucena. Although he did not look too unlike the other passengers, there was something uncommon about him. Maybe it was the high backpack and small bamboo suitcase he carried that made him look out of the ordinary. Or maybe it was because his shirt and pants weren’t neatly ironed like the others. His hair was mussed up but he didn’t seem to care. He didn’t exactly look like a bum—he even made it look like wrinkled clothes were what everybody else should have been wearing if they wanted to be in style. He looked like an exciting kind of guy who didn’t care what others thought of him—the kind who might just be the one I needed to make my life less humdrum.
He and my cousin exchanged greetings and talked for a while before he acknowledged my presence and introduced himself. “My name is Tim, it was really Timoteo before I went to Los Angeles.” He laughed as if he thought one had to go to Los Angeles to get an American nickname.
“I’m Minda, John’s cousin. My family and I live next door to him.”
“Oh, good. Then we’ll see a lot of each other.” After that, he promptly ignored me again and resumed his conversation with John.
John drove us home in his car with Tim in the front seat. I was in the back with Tim’s luggage. They had so many things to tell each other to get fully updated with what had happened since they last saw each other. I wanted to tell them there’d be enough time later for all that. I felt left out.
My cousin John had always been the most adventurous member of our clan. He went to college in Manila and did pretty well as far as grades were concerned. He surprised me when he returned to Masbate to stay and take care of his family’s cattle ranch. He did that after devoting four years of his life to earn a college degree. I couldn’t understand that.
I wish I can be like John but I can’t. Instead of Manila, I have chosen to go to Los Baños for college when the school year opens. Not only is it closer, it is also less chaotic.
John has always been my favorite cousin because he is the only one in my family who can understand young people like me. I was born eight years after my older brother, who in turn was two years younger than John. That makes me a lot younger than all my siblings and cousins. It is sometimes an advantage in that they pamper me and let me get away with things they normally wouldn’t have. At the same time, it makes me feel lonely because I have very few people I can share my feelings with. Often, I’m afraid they will think the things that bother me are silly so I keep them to myself except when I can talk to John.


SATURDAY, April 6, 2002

I SAW Tim again this morning when I stepped out the front door. He was in the yard next door, looking lost and alone. He came over when he saw me.
“Where’s everybody?”
“Oh, John will be back soon. He must have left early to check on the ranch.”
“What about you? Why aren’t you in school?”
“Don’t you know it’s summer break?”
“Gosh, I forgot. Summer in America starts in June.”
“Besides, it’s Saturday today.”
He looked at me sheepishly. “Oh, my God. I can’t even keep track of what day of the week it is anymore. I’m getting old.”
I didn’t mean to embarrass him so I was glad he took it lightly. I said, “It’s okay. It’s still Friday in America.” I was beginning to appreciate that the “useless” information I had learned in school wasn’t so useless after all.
He gazed at me as if trying to figure out what kind of person I was. I suddenly felt shy—it was a strange and unfamiliar feeling for I wasn’t a shy person. I didn’t know why I felt that way.
“Anyway, what school do you go to?”
“I just finished high school—I went to Sacred Heart College in Lucena.”
“That’s far from here. Do you have relatives there?”
“No, I stayed in a boarding house. I’m quite independent and can take care of myself.”
“You look so young…”
“Not really, I’m sixteen—I’ll be seventeen this year. And I’m going to college in June. Away from home. At University of the Philippines in Los Baños.”
“That doesn’t necessarily make you an old woman.”
“But I’m not like the other sixteen-year-olds you may have met before.”
“How?”
“I can take care of myself.”
He smiled but said nothing. I couldn’t tell if I impressed him or if he didn’t understand what I said. I wanted to say more but was unable to find words that would have explained further what I meant.
He was silent for a while before he spoke again. “How far is the public market from here?”
“Not too far, about a kilometer.”
“Do they sell cooked food there—do they have places where one can sit down to eat?”
“Yes, lots of them.”
“Can you come with me?”
“To eat? John won’t like it if he finds out you went somewhere to eat. They’re probably preparing something special for lunch.”
“Come on. Be a friend. This is my only chance to go and eat in a public market.”
“Why do you think so?”
“Because my friends always steer me away from places they think I shouldn’t see.”
I knew I was betraying a cousin, my favorite cousin at that, but there was something in his request that thrilled me. My father had always forbidden me to eat in the public market. I had gone there to eat with my friends a few times before, all without my father’s knowledge. I didn’t understand all the warning about sanitation—didn’t cooking kill any germs that may still be in the food?
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll take you there.”
“Go ask your mom for permission.”
“I don’t have to—we’re not going far. But I’ll have to tell our help where I’m going in case she asks.”
“Don’t you feel scared going with a stranger?”
“You’re not a stranger. Besides, you’ll never get off this island alive if something happens to me.”-
He laughed loud. I knew he was beginning to understand right then that I was not the typical sixteen-year-old he assumed I was.
We walked to the public market. The sun was hot but I didn’t mind. I wanted people to see me walking and wonder who the man with me was. I didn’t see anyone I knew but they could have been peeking from their windows, hiding from my sight.
He looked around the market, curious about everything. Vendors were cajoling us to come to their place—each claimed to have the best food in the market. I wanted very much to have known the area better so I could steer him to the right place. It maddened me that I didn’t.
“Whatever you’re thinking, don’t eat too much,” I told him when he started looking at the food on display.
“Why’s that?”
“Because…”
“Huh?”
“John will find out I went with you here and he’ll get mad. When we get back I want you to eat a lot of whatever they serve you.”
“Do you always tell people what to do?”
“No, but I know it will be a problem for me if you don’t eat lunch in my cousin’s house. You don’t want me to get in trouble, do you?”
He patted me on the shoulder and said, “I promise you won’t.”
So we each had an ukoy although I could tell that he wanted very much to try the kare-kare that looked so tempting. I felt sorry that I was always sensible—why couldn’t I have been more adventurous and off-beat like he was? All my life I had deferred to my elders, tried hard to please them. They praised me for being mature and responsible for my age. They didn’t know that I’d rather do things because they’re what I want to do, not because they’re what they expect from me.


SUNDAY, April 7, 2002

TODAY was a very busy day for everyone. John was having a party in his house in honor of Tim and my family was helping prepare the food. I was given the task of cutting the vegetables to pieces of the right size. There was so much to cut I was afraid it would take me the whole day.
I wanted to wear the dress my mother had given me for my graduation. It had been pressed and ready for me to put on. It was a simple but elegant off-white, sleeveless dress. My friends had gushed about how I looked in that dress. They said I looked like I was at least twenty years old.
I finished my assigned chore as fast as I could because I needed to go to the beauty parlor to have my hair done. I wanted so much to look nice for that evening. It felt like graduation day and a lot more.
I went early to Tim’s party—I wanted to have a quiet talk with him before everybody else arrived. I know people will say I’m being irrational but I like him very much. I like him because he is so modest—he never tells anyone he is from America. He isn’t like the boys in school who are too immature for my taste. I know he is right for me even though I have only known him for a few days. People don’t understand that a girl just knows.
We got to chat for a long time before the guests arrived. He told me about life in the U.S.—he said Filipinos who are used to getting pampered would have a hard time adjusting to life there.
“After working all day at the office, we still have to cook and clean up when we get home,” was one of the things he said.
“I’m glad I can take care of myself… I won’t have a hard time if I ever go there.”
He smiled with a smile that seemed to say, You may think so but there’s more to adjusting to a new life than that. Maybe he wasn’t convinced that I was an independent woman who can live alone.
I felt bold and asked him directly, “Do you have a girl friend?”
“No.”
“Why not? Can’t you find anyone you like?” I hoped he didn’t notice the lilt in my voice that was there because his answer had pleased me.
“I’m sure there are lots of nice women around, it’s just that I have been busy the last few years trying to get my career going. You try harder when you’re in a new country.”
“Would you prefer a Filipina or an American girl friend?” I wanted more details.
“I really don’t know,” he said. “But I know I want someone like you—pretty, happy, and not afraid to speak out. Too bad you’re too young.”
He was probably teasing me but I knew for certain I wasn’t too young.
“I’m not too young,” was all I could say, however. I wanted to tell him about John and Jacqueline Kennedy, how she was much younger than he was, but couldn’t do it. I didn’t understand why I could never say all I wanted to say when he was around. I let it go at that.
The food at the party was good and everyone was pleased. I felt proud when I told Tim I helped in its preparation. I haven’t done much cooking but I feel confident I can do a good job if I have to—I had watched my mother lots of times and remember most of the recipes.
I was thrilled when Tim asked me for the first dance. He said he didn’t care too much for dancing and would do it only with someone like me. I thought it probably wasn’t true so I asked why. He said, “Because I’m not a very good dancer and I know you won’t complain.” At least, he knows I’m not the complaining type.
The night would have been perfect if that Christina hadn’t showed up. She always comes late for anything and makes a grand entrance so she can be noticed by everyone. She tells everyone she is twenty-six but I think she’s really twenty-eight. I don’t like her because she thinks she is so beautiful that men find her irresistible. I know she uses too much makeup and spends too much money on clothes. She is lucky her father is rich.
She began to monopolize Tim with her conversation. She couldn’t tell that Tim was simply being polite to her. I hardly think he will fall for her because she is too old for him. Anyway, she ruined the evening for me. I don’t just dislike her, I really hate her.


TUESDAY, April 9, 2002

I’VE hardly seen Tim the last two days—John has been showing him around the island and I have been busy helping my mother arrange to ship live cattle to Manila. That was my family’s business, making sure cattle from the ranchers in Masbate get to their buyers in Manila in good shape. I saw Tim only in the evenings when everybody got home but never got to talk to him. I know it’s crazy but I miss him so much.


WEDNESDAY, April 10, 2002

WHEN my mother and I got home this evening, I found a package waiting for me. It was from Tim. I took the package to my room and found a book of poems and his sunglasses inside. With them was a note from him:

Dear Minda,

I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to see you today. I was hoping I could speak with you before I went away but they told me you wouldn’t be home till later. I’m leaving early this evening on the M/V Maria Carmela to go to Lucena and on to Manila. I wasn’t planning on leaving until Saturday but your friend Christina begged me to escort her to Manila. She said the trip always terrified her and I couldn’t refuse.
You have been my best friend on this island and I’ll never forget you. I’m giving you my sunglasses and this book of poems by Louise Glück that I have been reading during this trip. I hope you’ll like them, but more than that I hope they will remind you of a friend. You have been very nice to me and I wish to thank you for all the nice times I’ve spent with you.
I wish you all the success you deserve as you go on to college. I’m sure you’ll make your parents proud.

Your friend,
Tim

He was wrong. Christina wasn’t my friend. She was a shameless witch who would do all kinds of tricks to get men to like her. I couldn’t help but cry as I ran to the street to catch a tricycle to the pier.
The ferry had already left when I got there. The ship was still visible and I could see its lights in the distance as it sailed away. I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me. Tomorrow, I would have been home the whole day because my mother had finished her work for the week. And I already knew how to tell Tim about John and Jacqueline Kennedy without making it look too obvious that we could be a pair. I also wanted to give him a picture of me when I graduated from high school and tell him to remember to write me in Los Baños. He won’t even know how to get in touch with me after all this. I only needed one more day and that Christina had to ruin everything.


THURSDAY, April 11, 2002

I WOKE up late because I hardly slept last night. Perhaps, Tim will find a way to write me. Maybe John can tell him how to get in touch with me. But inside me is a terrible feeling that he will never write and that I will never see him again.
I don’t want to mope and feel sorry for myself but I really feel like crying again. Nevertheless, I’ll try to make this day a normal day for myself and not let anyone know. They’ll never understand.
I will read the book he gave me—maybe, there’s a message in the poems he wants me to read. I will wear his sunglasses when I go out later. But first, I will have a good breakfast and listen to the news on the radio. I need to know what’s going on out there for I haven’t been outside my own little world for almost a week. Ω

The Last Leaf by O. Henry

In a little district west of Washington Square the streets have run crazy and broken themselves into small strips called "places." These "places" make strange angles and curves. One Street crosses itself a time or two. An artist once discovered a valuable possibility in this street. Suppose a collector with a bill for paints, paper and canvas should, in traversing this route, suddenly meet himself coming back, without a cent having been paid on account! So, to quaint old Greenwich Village the art people soon came prowling, hunting for north windows and eighteenth-century gables and Dutch attics and low rents. Then they imported some pewter mugs and a chafing dish or two from Sixth Avenue, and became a "colony." At the top of a squatty, three-story brick Sue and Johnsy had their studio. "Johnsy" was familiar for Joanna. One was from Maine; the other from California. They had met at the table d'hôte of an Eighth Street "Delmonico's," and found their tastes in art, chicory salad and bishop sleeves so congenial that the joint studio resulted. That was in May. In November a cold, unseen stranger, whom the doctors called Pneumonia, stalked about the colony, touching one here and there with his icy fingers. Over on the east side this ravager strode boldly, smiting his victims by scores, but his feet trod slowly through the maze of the narrow and moss-grown "places." Mr. Pneumonia was not what you would call a chivalric old gentleman. A mite of a little woman with blood thinned by California zephyrs was hardly fair game for the red-fisted, short-breathed old duffer. But Johnsy he smote; and she lay, scarcely moving, on her painted iron bedstead, looking through the small Dutch window-panes at the blank side of the next brick house. One morning the busy doctor invited Sue into the hallway with a shaggy, grey eyebrow. "She has one chance in - let us say, ten," he said, as he shook down the mercury in his clinical thermometer. " And that chance is for her to want to live. This way people have of lining-u on the side of the undertaker makes the entire pharmacopoeia look silly. Your little lady has made up her mind that she's not going to get well. Has she anything on her mind?" "She - she wanted to paint the Bay of Naples some day." said Sue. "Paint? - bosh! Has she anything on her mind worth thinking twice - a man for instance?"
< 2 > "A man?" said Sue, with a jew's-harp twang in her voice. "Is a man worth - but, no, doctor; there is nothing of the kind." "Well, it is the weakness, then," said the doctor. "I will do all that science, so far as it may filter through my efforts, can accomplish. But whenever my patient begins to count the carriages in her funeral procession I subtract 50 per cent from the curative power of medicines. If you will get her to ask one question about the new winter styles in cloak sleeves I will promise you a one-in-five chance for her, instead of one in ten." After the doctor had gone Sue went into the workroom and cried a Japanese napkin to a pulp. Then she swaggered into Johnsy's room with her drawing board, whistling ragtime. Johnsy lay, scarcely making a ripple under the bedclothes, with her face toward the window. Sue stopped whistling, thinking she was asleep. She arranged her board and began a pen-and-ink drawing to illustrate a magazine story. Young artists must pave their way to Art by drawing pictures for magazine stories that young authors write to pave their way to Literature. As Sue was sketching a pair of elegant horseshow riding trousers and a monocle of the figure of the hero, an Idaho cowboy, she heard a low sound, several times repeated. She went quickly to the bedside. Johnsy's eyes were open wide. She was looking out the window and counting - counting backward. "Twelve," she said, and little later "eleven"; and then "ten," and "nine"; and then "eight" and "seven", almost together. Sue look solicitously out of the window. What was there to count? There was only a bare, dreary yard to be seen, and the blank side of the brick house twenty feet away. An old, old ivy vine, gnarled and decayed at the roots, climbed half way up the brick wall. The cold breath of autumn had stricken its leaves from the vine until its skeleton branches clung, almost bare, to the crumbling bricks. "What is it, dear?" asked Sue. "Six," said Johnsy, in almost a whisper. "They're falling faster now. Three days ago there were almost a hundred. It made my head ache to count them. But now it's easy. There goes another one. There are only five left now." "Five what, dear? Tell your Sudie." "Leaves. On the ivy vine. When the last one falls I must go, too. I've known that for three days. Didn't the doctor tell you?"
< 3 > "Oh, I never heard of such nonsense," complained Sue, with magnificent scorn. "What have old ivy leaves to do with your getting well? And you used to love that vine so, you naughty girl. Don't be a goosey. Why, the doctor told me this morning that your chances for getting well real soon were - let's see exactly what he said - he said the chances were ten to one! Why, that's almost as good a chance as we have in New York when we ride on the street cars or walk past a new building. Try to take some broth now, and let Sudie go back to her drawing, so she can sell the editor man with it, and buy port wine for her sick child, and pork chops for her greedy self." "You needn't get any more wine," said Johnsy, keeping her eyes fixed out the window. "There goes another. No, I don't want any broth. That leaves just four. I want to see the last one fall before it gets dark. Then I'll go, too." "Johnsy, dear," said Sue, bending over her, "will you promise me to keep your eyes closed, and not look out the window until I am done working? I must hand those drawings in by to-morrow. I need the light, or I would draw the shade down." "Couldn't you draw in the other room?" asked Johnsy, coldly. "I'd rather be here by you," said Sue. "Beside, I don't want you to keep looking at those silly ivy leaves." "Tell me as soon as you have finished," said Johnsy, closing her eyes, and lying white and still as fallen statue, "because I want to see the last one fall. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of thinking. I want to turn loose my hold on everything, and go sailing down, down, just like one of those poor, tired leaves." "Try to sleep," said Sue. "I must call Behrman up to be my model for the old hermit miner. I'll not be gone a minute. Don't try to move 'til I come back." Old Behrman was a painter who lived on the ground floor beneath them. He was past sixty and had a Michael Angelo's Moses beard curling down from the head of a satyr along with the body of an imp. Behrman was a failure in art. Forty years he had wielded the brush without getting near enough to touch the hem of his Mistress's robe. He had been always about to paint a masterpiece, but had never yet begun it. For several years he had painted nothing except now and then a daub in the line of commerce or advertising. He earned a little by serving as a model to those young artists in the colony who could not pay the price of a professional. He drank gin to excess, and still talked of his coming masterpiece. For the rest he was a fierce little old man, who scoffed terribly at softness in any one, and who regarded himself as especial mastiff-in-waiting to protect the two young artists in the studio above.
< 4 > Sue found Behrman smelling strongly of juniper berries in his dimly lighted den below. In one corner was a blank canvas on an easel that had been waiting there for twenty-five years to receive the first line of the masterpiece. She told him of Johnsy's fancy, and how she feared she would, indeed, light and fragile as a leaf herself, float away, when her slight hold upon the world grew weaker. Old Behrman, with his red eyes plainly streaming, shouted his contempt and derision for such idiotic imaginings. "Vass!" he cried. "Is dere people in de world mit der foolishness to die because leafs dey drop off from a confounded vine? I haf not heard of such a thing. No, I will not bose as a model for your fool hermit-dunderhead. Vy do you allow dot silly pusiness to come in der brain of her? Ach, dot poor leetle Miss Yohnsy." "She is very ill and weak," said Sue, "and the fever has left her mind morbid and full of strange fancies. Very well, Mr. Behrman, if you do not care to pose for me, you needn't. But I think you are a horrid old - old flibbertigibbet." "You are just like a woman!" yelled Behrman. "Who said I will not bose? Go on. I come mit you. For half an hour I haf peen trying to say dot I am ready to bose. Gott! dis is not any blace in which one so goot as Miss Yohnsy shall lie sick. Some day I vill baint a masterpiece, and ve shall all go away. Gott! yes." Johnsy was sleeping when they went upstairs. Sue pulled the shade down to the window-sill, and motioned Behrman into the other room. In there they peered out the window fearfully at the ivy vine. Then they looked at each other for a moment without speaking. A persistent, cold rain was falling, mingled with snow. Behrman, in his old blue shirt, took his seat as the hermit miner on an upturned kettle for a rock. When Sue awoke from an hour's sleep the next morning she found Johnsy with dull, wide-open eyes staring at the drawn green shade. "Pull it up; I want to see," she ordered, in a whisper. Wearily Sue obeyed. But, lo! after the beating rain and fierce gusts of wind that had endured through the livelong night, there yet stood out against the brick wall one ivy leaf. It was the last one on the vine. Still dark green near its stem, with its serrated edges tinted with the yellow of dissolution and decay, it hung bravely from the branch some twenty feet above the ground.
< 5 > "It is the last one," said Johnsy. "I thought it would surely fall during the night. I heard the wind. It will fall to-day, and I shall die at the same time." "Dear, dear!" said Sue, leaning her worn face down to the pillow, "think of me, if you won't think of yourself. What would I do?" But Johnsy did not answer. The lonesomest thing in all the world is a soul when it is making ready to go on its mysterious, far journey. The fancy seemed to possess her more strongly as one by one the ties that bound her to friendship and to earth were loosed. The day wore away, and even through the twilight they could see the lone ivy leaf clinging to its stem against the wall. And then, with the coming of the night the north wind was again loosed, while the rain still beat against the windows and pattered down from the low Dutch eaves. When it was light enough Johnsy, the merciless, commanded that the shade be raised. The ivy leaf was still there. Johnsy lay for a long time looking at it. And then she called to Sue, who was stirring her chicken broth over the gas stove. "I've been a bad girl, Sudie," said Johnsy. "Something has made that last leaf stay there to show me how wicked I was. It is a sin to want to die. You may bring a me a little broth now, and some milk with a little port in it, and - no; bring me a hand-mirror first, and then pack some pillows about me, and I will sit up and watch you cook." And hour later she said: "Sudie, some day I hope to paint the Bay of Naples." The doctor came in the afternoon, and Sue had an excuse to go into the hallway as he left. "Even chances," said the doctor, taking Sue's thin, shaking hand in his. "With good nursing you'll win." And now I must see another case I have downstairs. Behrman, his name is - some kind of an artist, I believe. Pneumonia, too. He is an old, weak man, and the attack is acute. There is no hope for him; but he goes to the hospital to-day to be made more comfortable." The next day the doctor said to Sue: "She's out of danger. You won. Nutrition and care now - that's all."
< 6 > And that afternoon Sue came to the bed where Johnsy lay, contentedly knitting a very blue and very useless woollen shoulder scarf, and put one arm around her, pillows and all. "I have something to tell you, white mouse," she said. "Mr. Behrman died of pneumonia to-day in the hospital. He was ill only two days. The janitor found him the morning of the first day in his room downstairs helpless with pain. His shoes and clothing were wet through and icy cold. They couldn't imagine where he had been on such a dreadful night. And then they found a lantern, still lighted, and a ladder that had been dragged from its place, and some scattered brushes, and a palette with green and yellow colours mixed on it, and - look out the window, dear, at the last ivy leaf on the wall. Didn't you wonder why it never fluttered or moved when the wind blew? Ah, darling, it's Behrman's masterpiece - he painted it there the night that the last leaf fell."

Impeng Negro by Rogelio Sicat

"BAKA makikipag-away ka na naman, Impen."

Tinig iyon ng kanyang ina. Nangangaral na naman. Mula sa kinatatalungkuang giray na batalan, saglit siyang napatigil sa paghuhugas ng mumo sa kamay.

"Hindi ho," paungol niyang tugon.

"Hindi ho...," ginagad siya ng ina. "Bayaan mo na nga sila. Kung papansinin mo'y lagi ka ngang mababasag-ulo."

May iba pang sinasabi ang kanyang ina ngunit hindi na niya pinakinggan. Alam na niya ang mga iyon. Paulit-ulit na niyang naririnig. Nakukulili na ang kanyang tainga.

Isinaboy niya ang tubig na nasa harap. Muli siyang tumabo. Isinawak niya ang kamay, pinagkiskis ang mga palad at pagkaraa'y naghilamos.

"Dumaan ka kay Taba mamayang pag-uwi mo," narinig niyang bilin ng ina. "Wala nang gatas si Boy. Eto ang pambili."

Tumindig na siya. Nanghihinamad at naghihikab na iniunat ang mahahabang kamay. Inaantok pa siya. Gusto pa niyang magbalik sa sulok na kanyang higaan. Ngunit kailangang lumakad na siya. Tatanghaliin na naman bago siya makasahod. At naroon na naman marahil si Ogor. Kahit siya ang nauna ay lagi siyang inuunahan ni Ogor sa pagsahod.

Umingit ang sahig ng kanilang barungbarong nang siya'y pumasok.

"Nariyan sa kahon ang kamiseta mo."

Sa sulok ng kanyang kaliwang mata'y nasulyapan niya ang ina. Nakaupo ito, taas ang kaliwang paa, sa dulo ng halos dumapa nang bangko. Nakasandig ang ulo sa tagpiang dingding. Nakalugay ang buhok. Bukas ang kupasing damit na giris, nakahantad ang laylay at tuyot na dibdib. Kalong nito ang kanyang kapatid na bunso. Pinasususo.

"Mamaya,aka umuwi ka namang...basag ang mukha."

Bahagya na niyang maulinigan ang ina. Nakatitig siya sa tatlo pa niyang kapatid. Sunud-sunod na nakatalungko ang mga ito sa isa pang bangkong nas atagiliran ng nanggigimalmal na mesang kainan. nagsisikain pa.

Matagal na napako ang kanyang tingin kay Kano, ang sumunod sa kanya. Maputi si Kano, kaya ganito ang tawag dito sa kanilang pook. Kakutis ni Kano ang iba pa niyang kapatid. Marurusing ngunit mapuputi. May pitong taon na si Kano. Siya nama'y maglalabing-anim na. Payat siya ngunit mahahaba ang kanyang biyas.

Hinalungkat na niya ang kahong karton na itinuro ng ina. Magkakasama ang mga damit nila nina Kano, Boyet at Diding. Sa may ilalim, nakuha niya ang kulay-lumot niyang kamiseta. Hinawakan niya iyon sa magkabilang tirante. Itinaas. Sinipat.

"Yan na'ng isuot mo." Parang nahulaan ng kanyang ina ang kanyang iniisip.

Isinuot niya ang kamiseta. Lapat na lapat sa kanya ang kamisetang iyon noong bagong bili ngunit ngayo'y maluwag na. Nagmumukha siyang Intsik-beho kapag suot iyon ngunit wala naman siyang maraming kamisetang maisusuot. Mahina ang kita ng kanyang ina sa paglalabada; mahina rin ang kanyang kita sa pag-aagwador.

Nagbalik siya sa batalan. Nang siya'y lumabas, pasan na niya ang kargahan. Tuluy-tuloy niyang tinungo ang hagdan.

"Si Ogor, Impen," pahabol na bilin ng kanyang ina. "Huwag mo nang papansinin."

Naulinigan niya ang biling iyon at aywan kung dahil sa inaantok pa siya, muntik na siyang madapa nang matalisod sa nakausling bato sa may paanan ng kanilang hagdan.

Tuwing umagang mananaog siya upang umigib, pinagpapaalalahanan siya ng ina. Huwag daw siyang makikipagbabag. Huwag daw niyang papansinin si Ogor. Talaga raw gayon ito: basagulero. Lagi niyang isinasaisip ang mga biling ito ngunit sadya yatang hindi siya makapagtitimpi kapag naririnig niya ang masasakit na panunuksyo sa kanya sa gripo, lalung-lalo na mula kay Ogor.

Si Ogor, na kamakailan lamang ay bumabag sa kanya, ang malimit magsisimula ng panunukso:

"Ang itim mo, Impen!" itutukso nito.

"Kapatid mo ba si Kano?" isasabad ng isa sa mga nasa gripo.

"Sino ba talaga ang tatay mo?"

"Sino pa," isisingit ni Ogor, "di si Dikyam!"

Sasambulat na ang nakabibinging tawanan. Pinakamatunog ang tawa ni Ogor. Si Ogor ang kinikilalang hari sa gripo.
Noong una, sinasagot niya ang mga panunuksong ito:

"E ano kung maitim?" isasagot niya.

Nanunuri ang mga mata at nakangising iikutan siya ni Ogor. Pagkuwa'y bigla na lamang nitong kakayurin ng hintuturo ang balat sa kanyang batok.

"Negrung-negro ka nga, Negro," tila nandidiring sasabihin ni Ogor. Magsusunuran nang manukso ang iba pang agwador. Pati ang mga batang naroon: Tingnan mo ang buhok. Kulot na kulot! Tingnan mo ang ilong. Sarat na sarat! Naku po, ang nguso...Namamalirong!

Sa katagalan, natanggap na niya ang panunuksong ito. Iyon ang totoo, sinasabi niya sa sarili. Negro nga siya. Ano kung Negro? Ngunit napapikit siya. Ang tatay niya'y isang sundalong Negro na nang maging anak siya'y biglang nawala sa Pilipinas.

Ang panunuksong hindi niya matanggap, at siya ngang pinagmulan ng nakaraan nilang pagbababag ni Ogor, ay ang sinabi nito tungkol sa kanyang ina. (Gayon nga kaya kasama ang kanyang ina?)

"Sarisari ang magiging kapatid ni Negro," sinabi ni Ogor. "Baka makatatlo pa ang kanyang nanay ngayon!"

Noong kabuntisan ng kanyang ina sa kapatid niyang bunso ay iniwan ito ng asawa. Hindi malaman kung saan nagsuot. At noon, higit kailanman, naging hamak sila sa pagtingin ng lahat. Matagal-tagal ding hindi naglabada ang kanyang ina, nahihiyang lumabas sa kanilang barungbarong. Siya ang nagpatuloy sa pag-aagwador. At siya ang napagtuunan ng sarisaring panunukso.

Natandaan niya ang mga panunuksong iyon. At mula noon, nagsimula nang umalimpuyo sa kanyang dibdib ang dati'y binhi lamang ng isang paghihimagsik: nagsusumigaw na paghihimagsik sa pook na iyong ayaw magbigay sa kanila ng pagkakataong makagitaw at mabuhay nang payapa.

Sariwa pa ang nangyaring pakikipagbabag niya kay Ogor, naiisip ni Impen habang tinatalunton niya ang mabatong daan patungo sa gripo. Mula sa bintana ng mga barungbarong, nakikita niyang nagsusulputan ang ulo ng mga bata. Itinuturo siya ng mga iyon. Sa kanya rin napapatingin ang matatanda. Walang sinasabi ang mga ito, ngunit sa mga mata, sa galaw ng mga labi nababasa nya ang isinisigaw ng mga paslit: Negro!

Napapatungo na laamang siya.

Natatanaw na niya ngayon ang gripo. Sa malamig ngunit maliwanag nang sikat ng araw, nakikita na niya ang langkay ng mga agwador. Nagkakatipun-tipon ang mga ito. Nagkakatuwaan. Naghaharutan.

Sa langkay na iyon ay kilalang-kilala niya ang anyo ni Ogor. Paano niya malilimutan si Ogor? Sa mula't mula pa, itinuring na siya nitong kaaway, di kailanman binigyan ng pagkakataong maging kaibigan.

Halos kassingulang niya si Ogor, ngunit higit na matipuno ang katawan nito. Malakas si Ogor. Tuwid ang tindig nito at halos hindi yumuyuko kahit may pasang balde ng tubig; tila sino mang masasalubong sa daan ay kayang-kayang sagasaan.
Nang marating niya ang gripo ay tungo ang ulog tinungo niya ang hulihan ng pila. Marahan niyang inalis sa pagkakakawit ang mga balde. Sa sarili, nausal niyang sana'y huwag siya ang maging paksa ng paghaharutan at pagkakatuwaan ng mga agwador.

Nakakaanim na karga na si Impen. May sisenta sentimos nang kumakalansing sa bulsa ng kutod niyang maong. May isa pang nagpapaigib sa kanya. Diyes sentimos na naman. Kapag tag-araw ay malaki-laki rin ang kinikita ng mga agwador. Mahina ang tulo ng tubig sa kanilang pook. At bihira ang may poso.

Tanghali na akong makauuwi nito, nausal niya habang binibilang sa mata ang mga nakapilang balde. Maluwag ang parisukat na sementong kinatitirikan ng gripo at ang dulo ng pila'y nasa labas pa niyon.

Di-kalayuan sa gripo ay may isang tindahan. Sa kalawanging medya-agwa niyon ay nakasilong ang iba pang agwador. May naghubad na ng damit at isinampay na lamang sa balikat. May nagpapaypay May kumakain ng halu-halo.

Sa pangkat na iyon ay kay Ogor agad natutok ang kanyang tingin. Pnilit niyang supilin ang hangaring makasilong. Naroon sa tindahan si Ogor. Hubad-baro at ngumingisi. Mauupo na lamang siya sa kanyang balde. Mabuti pa roon, kahit nakabilad sa init. Pasasaan ba't di iikli ang pila? naisip niya. Makasasahod din ako.

Kasalukuyan siyang nagtitiis sa init nang may maulinigan siyang siga mula sa tindahan:



"Hoy, Negro, sumilong ka. Baka ka pumuti!"

Si Ogor iyon. Kahit hindi siya lumingon, para na niyang nakita si Ogor. Nakangisi at nanunukso na naman.

"Negro," muli niyang narinig, "sumilong ka sabi, e. Baka ka masunog!"

Malakas ang narinig niyang tawanan. Hindi pa rin siya lumilingon. Tila wala siyang naririnig. Nakatingin siya sa nakasahod na balde ngunit ang naiisip niya'y ang bilin ng ina, na huwag na niyang papansinin si Ogor. Bakit nga ba niya papansinin si Ogor?

Tinigilan naman ni Ogor ang panunukso. Hindi pa rin siya umaalis sa kinauupuang balde. At habang umiisod ang pila, nararamdaman niyang lalong umiinit ang sikat ng araw. Sa paligid ng balde, nakikia niya ang kanyang anino. Tumingala siya ngunit siya'y nasilaw. Nanghahapdi at waring nasusunog ang kanyang balat. Tila ibig nang matuklap ang balat sa kanyang batok, likod at balikat. Namumuo ang pawis sa kanyang anit at sa ibabaw ng kanyang nguso. may butil na rin ng pawis sa kanyang ilong.

Itinaas niya ang tirante ng kamiseta. Hinipan-hipan niya ang manipis na dibdib. Di natagalan, isinawak niya ang kamay sa nalalabing tubig sa balde. Una niyang binasa ang batok---kaylamig at kaysarap ng tubig sa kanyang batok. Malamig. Binasa niya ang ulo. Kinuskos niya ang kanyang buhok at nabasa pati ang kanyang anit. Binasa niya ang balikat, ang mga bisig. May nadama siyang ginhawa ngunit pansamantala lamang iyon. Di nagtagal, muli niyang naramdaman na tila nangangalirang na naman ang kanyang balat. Kay hapdi ng kanyang batok at balikat.

"Negro!" Napauwid siya sa pagkakaupo nang marinig iyon. Nasa likuran lamang niya ang nagsalita. Si Ogor. "Huwag ka nanag magbibilad. Doon ka sa lamig."

Pagkakataon na ni Ogor upang sumahod. At habang itinatapat nito ang balde sa gripo, muli niyang nakita na nginingisihan siya nito.

Napakatagal sa kanya ang pagkapuno ng mga balde ni ogor. Napabuntong-hininga siya nang makitang kinakawitan na ni Ogor ang mga balde. Sa wakas, aalis na si Ogor, naisip niya. Aalis na si Ogor. Huwag na sana siyang bumalik.

May galak na sumusuno sa kanyang dibdib habang pinagmamasdan ang pagkapuno ng sinundang balde. Susunod na siya. Makaka sahod na siya. Makakasahod na rin ako, sabi niya sa sarili. pagkaraan ng kargang iyon ay uuwi na siya. Daraan pa nga pala siya kay Taba. Bibili ng gatas.

Datapwa, pagkaalis ng hinihintay niyang mapunong balde, at isasahod na lamang ang sa kanya, ay isang mabigat at makapangyarihang kamay ang biglang pumatong sa kanyang balikat. Si Ogor ang kanyang natingala. Malapit lamang pala ang pinaghatidan nito ng tubig.

"Gutom na ako, Negro," sabi ni Ogor. "Ako muna."

Pautos iyon. Iginitgit ni Ogor ang bitbit na balde at kumalantog ang kanilang mga balde. Iginitgit din niya ang sa kanya, bahagya nga lamang at takot na paggitgit. "Kadarating mo pa lamang, Ogor, nais niyang itutol. Kangina pa ako nakapila rito, a. Ako muna sabi, e," giit ni Ogor.

Bantulot niyang binawi ang balde, nakatingin pa rin kay Ogor. Itinaob niya ang kaunting nasahod na balde at ang tubig ay gumapang sa semento at umabog sa kanilang mga paa ni Ogor. Uuwi na ako, bulong niya sa sarili. Uuwi na ako. Mamaya na lang ako iigib uli. Nakatingin sa araw, humakbang siya upang kunin ang pingga ngunit sa paghakbang na iyon, bigla siyang pinatid ni Ogor.

"Ano pa ba ang ibinubulong mo?"

Hindi n a niya narinig iyon. Nabuwal siya. Tumama ang kanan niyang pisngi sa labi ng nabiawang balde. Napasigaw siya. Malakas. Napaluhod siya sa madulas na semento. Kagyat na bumaha ang nakaliliyong dilim sa kanyang utak. Habang nakaluhod, dalawang kamay niyang tinutop ang pisngi. Takot, nanginginig ang kanyang mga daliri. Dahan-dahan niyang iniangat iyon. Basa...Mapula...Dugo!

Nanghilakbot siya. Sa loob ng isang saglit, hindi niya maulit na salatin ang biyak na pisngi. Mangiyak-ngiyak siya.
"O-ogor...O-ogor..." Nakatingala siya kay Ogor, mahigpit na kinukuyom ang mga palad. Kumikinig ang kanyang ulo at nangangalit ang kanyang ngipin. "Ogor!" sa wakas ay naisigaw niya.

Hindi minabuti ni Ogor ang kanyang pagsigaw. Sinipa siya nito. Gumulong siya. Buwal ang lahat ng baldeng nalalabi sa pila. Nagkalugkugan. Nakarinig siya ng tawanan. At samantalang nakadapa, unti-unting nabuo sa walang malamang sulingan niyang mga mata ang mga paang alikabukin. Paparami iyon at pumapaligid sa kanya.

Bigla siyang bumaligtad. nakita niya ang naghuhumindig na anyo ni Ogor. Nakaakma ang mga bisig.

"O-ogor..."

Tumawa nang malakas si Ogor. Humihingal at nakangangang napapikit siya. Pumuslit ang luha sa sulok ng kanyang mga mata. Nasa ganito siyang kalagayan nang bigla niyang maramdaman ang isang ubos-lakas na sipa sa kanyang pigi. Napasigaw iya. Umiiyak siyang gumuglong sa basa at madulas na semento. Namimilipit siya. Tangan ang sinipang pigi, ang buong anyo ng nakaangat niyang mukha'y larawan ng matinding sakit.

Matagal din bago napawi ang paninigas ng kanyang pigi. Humihingal siya. Malikot ang kanyang mga mata nang siya'y bumangon at itukod ang mga kamay sa semento.

Si ogor...Sa mula't mula pa'y itinuring na siya nitong kaaway...Bakit siya ginaganoon ni Ogor?

Kumikinig ang kanyang katawan. Sa poot. Sa naglalatang na poot. At nang makita niyang muling aangat ang kanang paa ni Ogor upang sipain siyang muli ay tila nauulol na asong sinunggaban niya iyon at niyakap at kinagat.

Bumagsak ang nawalan ng panimbang na si Ogor. nagyakap sila. Pagulung-gulong. Hindi siya bumibitiw. Nang siya'y mapaibabaw, sinunud-ssunod niya: dagok, dagok, dagok... pahalipaw... papaluka...papatay.

Sa pook na iyon, sa nakaririmarim na pook na iyon, aba ang pagtingin sa kanila. Marumi ng babae ang kanyang ina. Sarisari ang anak. At siya isang maitim, hamak na Negro! Papatayin niya si Ogor. papatayin. Papatayinnn!

Dagok, dagok, dagok...Nag-uumigting ang kanyang mga ugat. Tila asong nagpipilit makapaibabaw si Ogor. Tila bakal na kumakapit ang mga kamay. Sa isang iglap siya naman ang napailalim. Dagok, dagok. Nagpipihit siya. Tatagilid. Naiiri. Muling matitihaya. Hindi niya naiilagan ang dagok ni Ogor. Nasisilaw siya sa araw. Napipikit siya. Mangungudngod siya, mahahalik sa lupa. Ngunit wala siyang nararamdaman sakit. Wala siyang nararamdamang sakit!

Kakatatlo ng asawa si Inay. Si Kano...si Boyet...si Diding...At siya...Negro. Negro. Negro!

Sa mga dagok ni ogor, tila nasasalinan pa siya ng lakas. Bigla, ubos-lakas at nag-uumiri siyang umigtad. napailalim si Ogor. Nahantad ang mukha ni Ogor. Dagok, bayo, dagok, bayo, dagok, bayo, dagok...Kahit saan. Sa dibdib. Sa mukha. Dagok, bayo, dagok, bayo, dagok, dagok, dagok...

Mahina na si ogor. Lupaypay na. Nalalaglag na ang nagsasanggang kamay. Humihingal na rin siya, humahagok. Ngunit nagliliyab pa rin ang poot sa kanyang mga mata. Dagok. Papaluka. Dagok, bayo, dagok, bayo, dagok...



Gumagalaw-galaw ang sabog na labi ni Ogor.

"Impen..."

Muli niyang itinaas ang kamay.

"I-Impen..." Halos hindi niya narinig ang halingling ni Ogor. "I-Impen...s-suko n-na...a-ako...s-suko...n-na...a-ako!"

Naibaba niya ang nakataas na kamay. Napasuko niya si Ogor! Napatingala siya Abut-abot ang pahingal. makaraan ang ilang sandali, dahan-dahan at nanlalambot siyang tumindig, nakatuon ang mga mata kay Ogor. Wasak ang kanyang kamiseta at duguan ang kanyang likod. May basa ng dugo't lupa ang kanyang nguso.

Marmaing sandaling walang nangahas magsalita. Walang makakibo sa mga agwador. Hindi makapaniwala ang lahat. Lahat ay nakatingin sa kanya.

Isa-isa niyang tiningnan ang mga nakapaligid sa kanya. Walang pagtutol sa mga mata ng mga ito. Ang nababakas niya'y paghanga. Ang nakita niya'y pangingimi.

Pinangingimian siya!

May luha siya sa mata ngunit may galak siyang nadama. Luwalhati. Hinagud-hagod niya ang mga kamao. nadama niya ang bagong tuklas na lakas niyon. Ang tibay. Ang tatag. Ang kapangyarihan. Muli niyang tiningnan ang nakabulagtang si Ogor. Pagkaraa'y nakapikit at buka ang labing nag-angat siya ng mukha.

Sa matinding sikat ng araw, tila sya ang mandirigmang sugatan, ngunit matatag na nakatindig sa pinagwagihang larangan.